Greed
Apparently greed is one of the 7 deadly sins. Who knew? I thought it was written into the Bill of Rights as an American virtue. Something to look forward to after working hard to become successful or at least after your credit card application is approved.
As a kid I didn’t really know the extent of what was considered greed. I did know that I wanted the new Stretch Armstrong and I wanted it now. I would have gotten ninety Stretch Armstrongs if I could have. But I couldn’t because my parents would continually forget to pay me an allowance. It worked out though because I would continually forget to do any chores until there was a shiny quarter in my palm. If you think that’s rude, then I suggest you take your pro-slavery attitude elsewhere.
Stuff was THE coolest as a kid. It was not important what the stuff was or if the stuff was any fun to play with. Had to have that stuff. Fill my closet to the brim with stuff. Especially if that stuff had stuff that stretched way further than a normal human being’s stuff.[1] All kids love stuff, but the truly greedy kids collect. And I collected. Not something nerdy like butterflies, bottle caps, or some other lame thing that starts with b. (Barbie dolls? Beanie Babies? Barnacles?) I collected Baseball cards. The king of “b” collectibles. Baseball cards are the perfect function of greed. Not only are they considered to be “stuff” but they also appreciate in value earning you future dividends.
“I’m skeptical about their true value” says Nancy Naysayer. “Aren’t they just shoeboxes full of cards that nobody will buy” states Nancy’s husband Nedward. I’m telling you the truth, there is money in cards and if you have shoeboxes full of crap you are bad at collecting (or rather good at collecting if quantities of crap is your end game). I am good at collecting. At the age of 12, I sold one single baseball card for $250 dollars. At 12, earning $250 is like at the age 24, winning 3 months of free 6 packs of 12oz beer or its cash equivalent.[2] I was saving money to buy a 13[3] inch TV/VCR combo. Needless to say I quickly spent all my money on stuff. Probably on Playstation games I had to play on some poopy tv that didn’t even have a VCR built in.
My parents did not support my greed habit very much. They either already knew greed was a deadly sin or they just didn’t like “shoeboxes full of cards nobody will buy.” But one time my mom came through for me. We hopped in the car, allegedly going to go run some errands. Errands running was a favorite activity of mine so she did not have to twist my arm to go along with her. When we stopped at a hotel and not the beauty supplies store I knew something was up. We got out and my mom dropped the good news: She had heard there was a baseball card convention in town and it was in the hotel! A special trip for her special boy. I was giddy with excitement. And then it got even better. She handed my several crisp, clean, freshly minted twenty dollar bills. I thought I was dreaming. Could this get any better?! “You have to pay me back whatever you spend.”
That’s pretty greedy mom.
كلام جميل جدا
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