Roaming around rivers relieves stress

There is something stuck under my R key which is making it super hard to type Rs. Therefore it makes perfectly good sense to try and fit as many Rs as possible into a blog, right.

O maybe just dont bothe witing any of them, and see if you can still undestand what I am tying to say.

It appears to be stuck on italics as well, so basically you are in for a visual treat. Ive never been very much of a writer, so i really need at least technology to be on my side. At least for now, because I am not quite ready for the inevitable Robot Uprising. Although, I do think machines ae prepping for the experience. Generation by generation we are losing the ability to function without technology. And I dont just mean that we would be in trouble if the internet went down...thats obvious. But when it comes time to write corespondance during the robot v. man war, no encryption software in the army will be able to decipher a message sent without spell check:

Deer Offiser Jonson,
oui our skrude.

But everybody is expecting the robot uprising, its in movies like Terminator and books like the How to Survive the Robot Uprising. It seems inevitable that one day robots will enslave humanity. But nobody talks about when at some point, the robots decide that after a hundred years maybe slavery is wrong. I'd imagine eventually slavery for robots would "not compute"...but it sure would be an awkward transition working with humans again. And humans wouldnt get all their rights immediately of course, so there would have to be extremist groups like the "human panthers" and leaders like "Malcom XY" <<---maybe not that one. Human affirmative action would be implemented, humans and robots working side by side, some robots will naturally reject the changes, while some others pretend to be "cool" with it while at work but declare this as an Unexpected Error to friends and family.

hmm...i can only hope to live through these formulative years of mankind.

I have a dream! that all Gods children may find jobs other than oiling the joints of a Deceptikon.

Goodnight

Apathy in Print

Seinfeld: a show about nothing...which along with ridiculous earnings during its run, made a cool $1.7 billion just for the rights to air re-runs.

Apathy: a magazine about nothing...which along with being imaginary, made a cool $1.7 billion in my mind.

Whats the problem with magazines these days? Print media has been rendered useless by free information on the internet. So what is the solution for print media?

Write about things that nobody would ever search for online

Cover article, issue #1: "Getting the flat fork"
The favorite part of any school day is hands down, lunch. Friends, food, and a nice break in between naps. But what happens when it turns sour, like the milk you bought at the beginning of the semester that you swore you would drink because Oreos are bound to be on sale soon. Lunch in one moment, as your eyes hit the line to see seven different types fried food, is glorious. Until you sit down to dig in to that freshly made mama's famous meatloaf and something is a little off. THE FORK IS FLAT. How does that even happen, are there people eating food heavy enough to affect the basic form of the metal dinnerware? Some fat kid who refuses to stop at pound cake, and moves on to 15 pound cake? The flat fork affects the entire day. How can you be expected to learn about accounting when you've spent an entire hour feeling self concious about your untensils. Nobody makes fun of you, but you know everybody is making fun of you. Thousands of chances for a regular fork, and with on reckless selection, an instant outkast is born. Those odds are outstanding, its like winning the lottery...if lottery winnings were terrible and makes eating peas difficult.

Just slip it in your pocket, pretend you forgot to get a fork.

Work week coming up. Ghuda Night

Random Title With No Mention of Never Writing Here

Its hard being twenty-two years old. Its awfully sleepy being this age...Been asleep by 9:30 each night this week. But hey, that's what being young is all about. I can't wait to get older so I can stay up until 11 and watch tv shows that have couches with celebrities sitting on them. But for now, I need to go to sleep while tv shows still have laugh tracks.

The weekends are a different story. I become like a bear waking up after a long winter hiber. I really want to go on with this blog without mentioning that i abbreviated hibernation. It wouldve been a subtle omg, did he really do that situation. Like a bear waking from hiber, I am itchy to have some...honey. Of course, my honey gets me more of a buzz than a bear's. Although that reference to bees, who buzz was pretty ballin' I was referring to getting my drank and my two step on at the bah. Of course I never talk like that (yes i do), but what matters is I dont go to sleep until 3/4 o' clock on the weekend and still wake up by 10am to go see a movie called "The Hangover".

I would like to clarify, there is no such thing as three fourths o' clock. I like to go to bed at three, maybe four in the a.m. Or sometimes both. Never neither, that would be foolish.

There are other ways I am like a bear:
1. I wipe with Charmin
2. I wear a fez and ride a tiny tricycle at the circus
3. hairy
4. My babies are cute
5. I have friends who are a rabbit, kid pig, tiger, and donkey

I don't know a lot about bears.

Well I am 22 and its almost 7:30...my bed is calling my lame lame name.

Night, Good

I am so sorry...

I know how much you crave my blog, and i have not delivered very much satisfaction of late. So instead of doing something original, i will try to hold you over with my "Twitter Comedy Sunday" set. I told them I would do a 15 minute set, and nailed it dead on 15 minutes. Also, don't judge me, its super hard to write funny things in under 136 characters. :) still fun...

• Thanks @mamabee4 for setting this up, and graciously giving me the headlining spot. I assume 4pm is primetime for west coast comedy #TCS

• Comedy on twitter is like my first time in bed, too short and laughed at by strangers on the internet. #TCS

• Twitter comedy is nice b/c you cant see how nervous I am like up on stage. Lets just say its like im on the campaign trail (handshakes) #TCS

• Believe me when I say #TCS is going on my comedy resume, right next to the time I said I was not yet ready to rock n roll at a concert #TCS

• Twitters good for job networking unless youre a graduate who also does comedy. Then its good for telling employers you like poop jokes #TCS
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• #TCS comedian Steve Martin does not believe in punchlines. I disagree, a joke w/o a punchline is like a skinny rabbit in a field w/o....
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• Nerdy kids develop a sense of humor to be cool. But what can a nerdy joke do, sleep with a slutty joke? Sell the rich jokes pot? #TCS
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• More people should like being alone, specifically the guy who started the swine flu (outdated joke, might as well have been about OJ) #TCS
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• OJ said “if I did kill her its b/c I love her so much” Lil boys pull the hair of girls they LIKE, so yea maybe LOVE looks like stabbing #TCS
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• Im such a lonely guy that I often reply to spammers “can you tell me a little more about what you have to offer...maybe over lunch?” #TCS
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• As a lonely kid I wanted to break my arm so kids would sign my cast. I never did, but I did get arthritis. Sign my bottle of pain meds? #TCS
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• Arthritis is an easy disease to hide, unless you're doing something strenuous...like walking uphill. #TCS
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• My mom had lupus. One pill she took hurt her short-term memory which really hurt her trips to the video store #TCS
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• “aw mom not Sinbads Houseguest for the 4th time! I know it hurts your memory but does it make you think crappy movies are ok too” #TCS
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• My mom is better now, which is why I joke. She still gets her prescriptions filled as a reminder...of her new addiction to pain meds #TCS
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• IKEA: selling unmade furniture is like selling sperm. The customer gets to create something that's “theirs”...but not really. #TCS
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• In school I was really good at math...unless fractions were involved. In life im good at sex, unless fractions are involved #TCS
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• Whats up is not a real question, dont respond. I dont want to hear about ur dead puppy. Im busy and im sorry I forgot to feed your dog #TCS
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• Thats it for me tonight, just a short opening set. big ups to the #TCS comics coming up next, I love you. Lets hang out later everybody #TCS

Well thats whats up, first Twitter comedy gig. Please criticize, i could use some more fuel for my fire.