Trick or Treat

Have you googled negative eugenics yet? I've given you plenty of time. <<<--is it weird that a google blog's spell check doesn't believe google is a real word?.

Ok, so eugenics is terrible. Its the worst. It led to the genocide of millions of jews during WWII. Eugenics is the theory, maybe its a theory maybe its a process, i don't know what to call it...let's call it dave. Dave encourages "attractive" people to breed. Dave believes that by encouraging attractive people to breed, a super reace would be creative. Thus Dave discounts some races as inferior, thus Dave sucks. Sorry Dave.

So what the heck is negative eugenics. It sounds like it should be a good thing. The opposite of something terrible is usually pretty ok. So let's think about what it could be:

1. Forced breeding for everybody? This would be like if hippies decided to revolt and took over the government...then decided their form of rule would be fascist. I guess it fits, the pot will make them paranoid enough for fascism. I just can't picture the military dressed in bell bottoms and ponchos.

2. Nobody is allowed to have sex? Utopia! No downsides here...Cuddlefest '09. Who needs kids anyway? Bunnies are just as cute and their diapers are cheaper. <<--did you picture that? a bunny in a diaper? adorable.

3. Only ugly people are allowed to procreate? Where is the cut-off, i'm hoping about a 6 out of 10...for personal reasons. Too bad Jac will be stuck with a diaper bunny. That means your beautiful ;)

4. Inflammable/Flammable situation

Negative Eugenics is the discouragement of breeding among uggos

Thus, negative eugenics = eugenics = attractive people banging = Hitler's belief =

That means its crazy and nonsensical. Not napping is also nonsensical so:

GoodnighT

Negative Eugenics

post coming soon, should be a treat.

feel better Jac.

Television Programming

Who makes programming decisions? When I flip on comedy central i expect to watch something funny, or at least something that tries to be. <<--that means you mr. carlos mencia, we get it...you're mexican and loud. Let's just say Mencia is more of a madtv than a Saturday Night Live.

Mencia sucking is not the point. The point:

The Matrix was on BET today

When I think of BET and black culture, the first person I think of is Keanu Reeves. But I guess it makes sense, nothing fits in between beyonce and T.I. videos better than the Matrix. It may have just been an accident, some prank on the new white intern gone too far. Or what I like to think happened:

BET found out The Matrix is Barak Obama's favorite movie

That's an odd combination. I saw another odd combo at the grocery store today (no not baconnaise). <<-- Daily Show anybody? No, I saw one 40 year old gentlemen at the checkout with just three items. I assume for his dinner:

1. Bag of salad
2. Breyer's Ice Cream
3. Juicy Fruit

I see the scenario as follows, the salad is an appetizer, the ice cream is for dessert, and the gum is for freshening up before hitting the bar. What's missing? the main course. I'm sure he had his main course waiting for him back at home, probably a nicely roasted slice of loneliness.

I wonder if he owns a 1/3rd camo shirt?

GOODnight

Love Poem*

My eyes light up when you're in the room
When you get up and leave, I need you back soon
Even in the morning your scent is sweet
Every time you smile, it knocks me off my feet

Crayola has a crayon labeled "your eyes" **
Because your blue is more vibrant than the sky's
The majesty of your body is a secret to be told
I am the luckiest, when it's you I get to hold

Honesty is at the heart of this relationship
So I hope it's ok that I let this slip
I know you see the girl I'm staring at

Baby I love you

But if I was single...I would hit that

I'm going to stay with you, that's right
But if you left me, I'd leave with her tonight
It's you and me baby in this thing called love
But I'd be in her*** if push comes to shove
Stop crying beautiful, we're not breaking up
It's just that if we did, I'd be on her C cups
We can still grow old and buy that cat
But if I was single...I would hit that

*To my girlfriend this is a work of fiction, if i was single i would sit alone in my room listening to emo music, watching finding nemo, and crying

**That line is totally pimp, feel free to use it in your endeavors

***Mom, its all just a metaphor for hugging, and playing board games

****I just realized that the "***" looks like I'm editing out something dirty

Paper Planes

(because I have been MIA)

Big things have been happening; I've been in Nashville, Birthday Ball last night...but what's been on my mind?

My shower.

Its not hot! it hasn't been hot. I'm afraid it will never be hot. I will not let water temperature ruin my last semester in college. My shower is my world. I haven't had a single creative thought outside of a hot shower. <<--which could explain my posts lately
The shower is where I think, where I relax, where I cry, where I sleep, where I sing, where I create, and occasionally where I clean myself.

I like to take 30 minute + showers. You know, because I'm going green. And because it feels phenomenal. But with cold water, its the worst 30 minutes every morning. <<--yes, I do still take 30 minute showers, even when its cold. Because I deeply care about the environment...or rather because spite is a powerful weapon

Without spite, I would never get any exercise

I once did over 100 reps of curls in gym class simply because my teacher told us we had "to be doing something the entire period" Which clearly I needed to take literally. The same goes for running on the treadmill. "you won't be able to do that for all 30 minutes on level 9." Oh really, because spite says I can, and did.

I'm cold and tired.

A nice shower would solve that.

GOODNIGHT

Post of the day

Hey friends.

I need to go to sleep so very bad[ly]. I always got yelled at for bad grammar as a kid.

This smells!

"How does it smell, does it have a nose?"

It never has a nose.
Got your nose! <<--I am that good, that i can steal a nose through the web.

This is stupid...I'll try again tomorrow.

Goodnight

Short & Sweet:

Like my girlfriend :)

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

It seems cliche, but I know nothing about women. (Jacqueline, I'm sure you're shocked).
Most of the time I believe that girls don't dig me, even after I hear that they do. I find it easier to believe I am being laughed at...

"He looks like a twig wrapped in silly putty, rolled around in a pile of receding hairline."

When I was single, I used to go back to parties at home and girls would let me know that they used to have crushes on me. And that was a huge confidence builder...and at the same time a bigger lonely reminder.

I've even written a song about not being able to close with girls, based on several accounts of me being a pansy. I wouldn't even of had/still have those girlfriends had they not made the first move.

One invited me to the zoo, the other offered me money to man up and kiss her.

I haven't seen a dime

Somebody made fun of me being skinny by telling me the broom in corner was my uncle. It was funny, but upsetting because it was plausible. “Why’s ct in that bucket of soapy water?...oh its just a mop…too bad, he looks good with white dreads.”

GooDnight

Poop Jokes & Honey Buns

The poop joke is a staple of any comic. I just control f'd my joke document; I found the word "poop" three times.

1. A joke about eating brownies...that ends with me hating my friends for feeding me...not brownies.

2. Poop Face: A person who, if for some reason they got a speck of poop on their face, would not immediately wipe it off. See Also: Fergie.

3. Adam Sandler impression.

Apparently as my conference comes to a close, the next one to take our spot is the 85th annual NWTF convention.

National Wild Turkey Federation

I assumed this was a retreat for wild turkeys, representing the weekend on the calendar that is the furthest date from the terrors of Thanksgiving. <<--Please don't fact check that Feb is farthest from November]

But apparently, this is thousands of wild turkey...hunters. My favorite of all the hunters.

I just wish they could extract the stuffing without killing the turkey.

I have seen a lot of comedians in the last 4 days, but the NWTF provided me with my healthiest and heartiest of laughs. There was one man, I will go out on a limb and say he's from the south, who was wearing an interesting shirt. At first, seemingly normal...until you realize that 1/3 of the shirt is camo, while the other 2/3 is an ordinary button down.

I recognize the relevance of camo to a hunter, but what possible situations could arise that would make having just the right side of your shirt be camouflaged. Is it easier to sneak up on a turkey sideways?

Is it the hunter's shirt version of the mullet?...business on the left, hunting party on the right.

But I think we discovered the real reason behind this soon to catch on fashion. We saw a second person wearing a partial camo shirt!

Its clearly a turkey hunter's version of a friendship bracelet.

One guy gets camo on the left, one on the right...and one lucky individual gets a camo strip right down the torso. BFFLWWKMTLTCTTSOBTT!

Best friends for life while we kill mother turkeys, leaving the children turkeys to starve or become turkey thieves.

Its a brotherhood.


Home tomorrow: GOODNIGHT

"Do Not Touch"

Placing "Do Not Touch" signs on statues in the middle of a college campus...will only lead to more touching...and stolen signs.

I saw a comedian bomb today. It was terrifying, one of the worst things i've seen. It made me want to quit even before starting a comedy career. But then I started thinking, wouldn't it be worse to go through life, everyday thinking that, just maybe, you could have...killed a baby?

I think that's worse, by at least 3 terrible points.

Also bad...15 minute conversation at dinner about rape. In front of somebody we just met. Granted it was mostly about animals raping. The question was posed:

If a monkey, who can't talk, can never say no or yes...is it ever rape?

I submit that a monkey can indeed rape. It may not be vocal, but i'd imagine their eyes would be screaming. It was suggested that maybe amoebas are something that could not be raped...which is foolish because they are asexual. Which means they reproduce involuntarily, which in turn means...they are constanly raping themselves.

"Monkey Rape Face" is it a monkey on monkey, man on monkey, or monkey on man rape?

On a lighter note, I knocked over and spilled my entire glass of water at dinner. I felt like my roomate Chip after 2 beers at a party. <<-- He wanted to be made fun of in my blog...that was not the best i could do, but I didn't want to be mean...and mention his diabetes, fatness, the fact that two of his roomates hooked up in his house, one of them with his cousin, or that he pooped his pants in middle school. You're welcome.

Back to the water...I spilled it.

Got my picture taken with Ted from Scrubs. He is a lot cooler in person. Naca is a weird place to be, because these artists and "celebrities" act like we normal people are the most important people in the room. Like Ted (his name is not Ted), he asked for my name, my school, where that is, want a picture?, how about a cookie? want to have sex with my wife?

GOODNIGHT

Sir, Please at least Run the Water.

I am a little bit drunk. We went to a dive bar in downtown Nashville tonight...the band didn't play Black Betty. We tried very hard to get Black Betty some love. Apparently Black Betty is the fat friend who gets no love at the bar. It was a struggle for the band, between classic rock and 90's covers. Maybe they were trying to pander to the audience...of just me and about 5 other folks.

We sang along to "sex and candy" so hard

While in the restroom, one guy finished up...looked me in the eyes...and continued to not flush or wash his hands. Looked me right in the eyes, as if to say...yea I don't care about anything...and I'm going to go give somebody a dirty handshake.

Our hotel is super nice. Its so nice that nobody even makes fun of it for being the Gaylord hotel. One of the nicest things was the housekeeping service. I came back to the room to find everything cleaned up, which is nice. But what is nicer, is that my bed was made...but all my filth left on my bed hadn't been moved. The housekeeper kept my junk in its exact same place while cleaning around it. My first thought was, she used magic...you can't make a bed without moving the stuf on it, unless you have magic. But then I thought, more realistically...

It was magic.

I'm done, weak post...but i did it. Keep the faith folks. (i spelled every single word wrong because of my drinking, i think i fixed most of them)

GOODNIGHT

What's Up Naca...

I'm in Nashville...watching an hanging out with some mildly successful musicians, poets and comedians. So far the highlights for me, Stephen Lynch and Doug Benson. Stephen Lynch dropped the F bomb at least 80 times, after opening with a song about aids. Its not my style, but apparently I laugh, a lot, at things that aren't my style.

Doug Benson is what I want my style to be...because he seems to have none at all. Random, with a hint of pop culture. (slightly outdated pop culture). Plus he took a concept I've been using for awhile and made it into several minutes of comedic gold.

McGriddles are McGriddles, both singular and plural...a "McGriddle" does not exist.

I'm not sure the body can handle plural McGriddles. Eat half, you're feeling great...no regrets. Eat one whole one, you're starting to realize you have a date with the bathroom. More than that is indeterminable. I'd imagine it would end with you in the ER for dehydration.

Another comic had material on another thing I had thought of awhile ago:

When you say "Naca"...it's very similar to slang for the N-word

I have to admit, i think his jokes work better than mine...mostly because he is black. Its a lot easier to be confident about a play on words using the N-word when you've been using the term for awhile already.

Maybe I should just start using it more often?

Nope.

I got my picture taken with three people today... the Rapper Twista, Doug Benson, and a balloon turtle. All three as important as the others. (the turtle made it into the Doug Benson picture as well...picture whore).

I'm running on 1 hour of sleep...and i have to wake up for another full day of entertainment, education sessions, and agents pimping out their talent whores.

GOODNIGHT

Saltines & Cinnamon Rolls

nothing today, i'll make it up to you later.

Monkey Love Baloons

I'm not going to explain the title. One person should definitely know what it means. Three others will know after thinking about it for a bit.

Inside jokes are only funny to people who are on the inside.

Oops. Are you inside? <<--That's what she said.

That's what she said jokes are probably the opposite of an inside joke. Everybody can go chuckle house at those 4 magical words. Its becoming a little overused, its a little "your face" or "yo mamma" about it. It will always be loved and revered, but will be placed on the back burners, neglected for long periods of time. Like old people...or a gym membership.

A bunch of my friends have started to get serious about going to the gym. I'm sure it makes them healthier, but it mostly seems like an avenue to brag about waking up early. "Dude, i woke up and hit the gym at 7:30 this morning" "Really? You should have gone to power hour at 5:30 in the morning." The gym is nice, running, biking and lifting is good for the heart, mind, and soul. But something else that is nice(er) and better for the heart mind and soul... Sleep.

"Dude, I totally slept in until 11 today." "Really? You should have hit up nap time at noon."

I would like to get in better shape. 6'2". 150lbs. and a gut?...some muscle would be nice. I might not have the physique, but I feel like I'm at least good looking. a 6 out of ten. At least. But numbering is so subjective, I really don't know what number to give me. (you should comment and say 10)...

That's why for years I've been advocating...Government sanctioned numbers.

I know im not the most attractive, but I do think I am at least around a 6…but its hard to really know. That’s why I propose government sanctioned numbers:

Every couple of years you stand in front of a board who decides, officially, just how ugly you are. And you have to wear it, everywhere. It just makes everything so much easier:

“Hi I’m Chris” “Oh hi, my name is I’m prettier than you.” What’d you say your name was? Only a 4? Yea get out of here.”

Of course there would be rules, things to keep order…like its illegal to flirt with anybody who is more than two numbers higher than you. Or only three legal 10’s can be handed out in any given year. My favorite:

One day a month there will be a Sadie Hawkins dance day for uggos, where you can flirt with the pretty folk.

But I’d be breaking these rules all the time, “hey there 8, wanna go home and make a 6.5”<<--do the math, what does this make me?

This concept is where the title of my blog comes from...

When it comes to girls, perfect 10s are a lot like unicorns. I've never seen one,

but i'm optomistic they exist.

And if I ever did see one, I'd probably try to ride it.

For my mother, so she doesn't have to look anything up on urban dictionary.com [again]:

A "dime piece" is a perfect 10. Because a dime is worth 10 cents. Dimes are low on the monetary scale, but high on the sexy scale.

A "unicorn" is a mythical animal, a horse with one long horn on its head. Little girls are obsessed with them. (I should be a unicorn for halloween) <<--that's awful.

Unicorns & Dime Pieces.

Get it? cool.

I have to go win a basketball game, and then pass out without doing any homework:

GOODNIGHT

I wish my glass had more water in it...

I'm thirsty...but the sink is not in the room. There is some ginger ale, but I don't think i'm sick, so thats an inappropriate drink. Gross, its flat. (sorry for lying to you, i always planned to drink that ginger ale).

My girlfriend said something tonight, and followed it with "oh great thats going to get talked about in the blog tonight" That might've been true had I been listening to her. jk jk <<---its a comedy blog, is this necessary? I really do listen to people, but my retention is awful. I often meet new people, and by the time they finish saying their name...I'm ready to ask them their name. Most of the time you can get away without any issues, follow up with a round of "hey you" and "what's up friend." But I got burned on one occasion. It was a group icebreaker. Find people in the room who fulfill certain qualities. Write their name in the corresponding box. Here's what happened:

ME: Hey, I'm CT do you match any of these?

Girl: Hey, I'm Allison...yea I can speak another language

ME: (staring at the paper, with a pen waiting to write her name) Um...what's your name?

Girl: Well CT. Its Allision. <<--ouch, you didn't have to show off

In a matter of 2 seconds, I forgot another human being's name; her essence. What I should have done was ask her to write her own name on the paper. What I did do was make an ass out of myself.

24 tonight was epic. Did it help that me and the bros [including bff erin lee] were drinking beer in real time? Yes. But it was still epic. One liners were everywhere tonight. Never did, "So are you going to give me your keys or not" sound so badass. Barely anything blew up, and there were no gun fights until the last 3 minutes...but i still left feeling fulfilled. Which is nice, because it can, on occasions, give you 24 blue balls.

I need to sleep. Beauty sleep. Sleeping Beauty. Dwarfs. Cookies. Nope that's elves. Billy Joel is not good. Shout out to Bogazici University.

GOODNIGHT

Gingy Kids Say the Darndest Things

Hold on, I have to check on the dead babies...

~Peter (age circa 6)

Work this morning was perfectly normal. Two new kids, visiting the same ol' kids. But then a new game arises from the ashes...zombie Apocalypse. They probably didn't call it that. I'm calling it that. One kid becomes a zombie, destroys another kid, turning them into a zombie...one thing leads to another..."dead" teddy bear baby locked in a box, so that the zombie epidemic can finally be tamed.

Should I let my little kids play zombie games at church? Seems a little grotesque until you think about what they learn there.

Jesus died.

Rolled the stone away.

Once again walked the earth.

Undead.

So it seems I did the right thing this morning, letting the little'uns play Jesus. Unfortunately the zombies this morning were missing some key elements. Like saving the world of sins, loving people (not for their flesh), and being 100% of God.

Did you notice my tiny new visit counter on the left?

Now I can see how many people are reading this bad boy. I can even get detailed information about repeat visitors and how long you stay here at my humble little blog home. (Its a little creepy though...I know what cities my readers are in. Thanks, friend in New Castle PA.)

Just Dance, gonna be okay, dah dah doo-doo, just dance.

Haha, doo-doo

The new stimulus bill is set to be passed this week!! Woo, I can't wait to see that $861 billion go to good use. Throwing money in a whole bunch of directions helps most situations:

Notice, [if you have the eyesight of a superhero] that the check in the comic is for $700 billion. Not too long ago when i drew this, $700B was the stimulus plan amount. Just last week the plan got "cut back" to the $860 something figure. I apologize for getting political up in this jaunt, I just wanted people to know I occasionally read newspapers...online.

To print media I say...

GOODNIGHT

Sometimes I write my Title First: That's a bad Writing Style

I apologize for a missed day. We had a party last night, complete with a slush puppie machine...which is the reason I couldn't blog--->>because i was stuck on our newly colored, blue floor. The housekeeper is going to be so mad. On the inside. She's a sweetheart. I always feel bad when she comes in to clean and I'm just playing video games. It makes me feel like ...

I don't have a metaphor for this situation

The writers of family guy probably could have done better with that one; "it's just like that time the janitor caught me smoking in the bathroom." [insert funny flashback clip, probably with physical humor] No it's not. It's not just like that. But thanks for making me laugh at something random anyway Family Guy.

I just ate an entire plate of spaghetti and veal. (yes, with pringles on the side) <<---4th blog in a row!! It was tasty, and the veal was so tender.

The baby cow must have been in the tiniest cage ever to be so delicious

Is it wrong to eat baby cow? I'm not sure. Is it wrong to eat baby carrots? No. Why is baby cow a grey area when we as a nation are so clearly set on ripping baby carrots away from their carrot mothers and fathers? Can't we see that neither side of the eating baby cow argument can win, when we can't be consistent with our policies. A baby carrot eater advocating for baby cow rights...absurd. Do your research, and walk the walk...then maybe we can talk the talk of banning delicious baby foods.<<<---not baby food like mashed bananas and cheerios, i'm pretty sure we can morally keep them around.

Can you see it?! That paragraph was about abortions...

i was behind a car with a North Carolina license plate. It said proudly "first in flight." So I immediately ran his car off the road and shouted "first in flight, but number two on the road bitch"

No I didn't.

GOODNIGHT

Pringle Blog for the 3rd Straight Day?

Nope.

So I almost performed some stand-up at an open mic at school last night. I didn't though. I went through my material and could only come up with about 2 to 3 minutes of good new stuff. Plus I promised my friend I would never tell my joke entitled "Adolf Gibson"...Its gold, but i guess referring to your bff as a combination of an anti-Semitic who used his power for evil and Adolf Hitler...can get old.

If I'm ever on Comedy Central the first joke I tell will be "Adolf Gibson"

2nd paragraphs are difficult for me. Do I follow the theme? Do I throw a curve ball? Do I start to tell a story of my childhood in little league baseball because I used a term originating from that very sport? Yes. I tried to be a pitcher for a little bit. I went through a "try-out"...the coach kept saying, "ok you don't have to throw it that hard, take some off." What he wanted to say was...can you do anything other than throw it straight at a perfectly hittable speed? I was very good at keeping the ball in the strike zone...which it turns out...makes you a terrible pitcher. It creates no confusion for the batter, just a whole lot of "hey thanks for putting it in the same spot again, at the same speed...I missed it the first time, but now i got to hit my first home run."

I wasn't as good as I will tell my kids I was.

I am that good. I have a t-shirt that says All-Star that proves it.

No I don't, my sister's friend stole it.

My kids are going to be better than me at everything. I'm convinced of it. I'll teach them everything I know, and by the age of 13 I'll be getting schooled...and they will be stealing my girlfriends. (my wife dies young in this scenario...its very sad, but provides me the insurance money i need to buy my kids a hot nanny...and a mini cooper)

I think I'd rather be British, but I'll settle for a red & blue mini cooper

GOODNIGHT

Easy to Please

Its 2 in the a.m. and i just experienced perfect happiness. I was tired like most people at this time, but something happened. A memory. The best kind of memory. I remembered that if i look down...there will be a can of pringles. For some reason I feel like I already wrote about this particular can of pringles, but it just keeps bringing the goods. I can't imagine the day when it will be empty. I'll probably cry harder than when I saw Marley and Me...Marley dies. Sorry dogs don't live forever.

Unless its your dog, your dog is special and will live way longer than you

No, it won't. Unless you're into russian roulette and enjoy the taste of poison...you are outliving your puppy. I apologize, its not fair of me to be so harsh. Its not dogs' faults that they lick everything, smell bad, and help moderately attractive gentlemen steal my girlfriend from me at the park. How am I supposed to compete with a chocolate lab?

What if a chocolate lab was a room dedicated to studying chocolate?

Then the world would have the best chocolate ever, and there would be a wonderful factory where the perfect confectionary products were made. And I would find a golden ticket.

Tom Hanks gets laughs.<<--I don't feel like explaining

I've noticed my blogs are almost always the same structure. With 4 main paragraphs and little fillers in between. I've also noticed that...no I didn't notice anything. I just thought that this last paragraph could just be for noticing things. It would probably get a little Jerry Seinfeld about it. "What's the deal with fonts? Have you seen these things? You can change the way your letters look, but they all look the same. the same fonts!"

*Note, it is not funny to see a "jerry seinfeld" joke written

GOODNIGHT

Team Team Tuesday

Tuesday is bar night here at WAC. We stop everything to walk over to the Blue Bird, carrying our pitcher that we will fill up over and over again with shock top for only five buck. Shock Top for those of you who don't know...is Blue Moon with a cooler logo. It always comes with orange slices, but never enough for everybody. You can't be that guy that steals the orange, but you want to be that guy so bad. A beer soaked orange slice at the bottom of a glass is like Doritos after a long puff of the devil's lettuce. <<--weed

I don't touch the stuff personally, although my clothes, hair, eating habits, and personal hygiene would tell you differently. My sister believes I'm a big pot head. I like to tell my mom that I am also. She loves when I joke about being a stoner because that would increase the odds of me having to live at home after graduation. But then I tell her I'm moving to France, and she physically abuses me. (with love)

Graduation is soon, (assuming I write my thesis), and that means way too many things for me to write in a blog thats supposed to be light hearted. I figure I need to get a job. Cause that's what the kids these days seem to be into. But I'd much rather create income my own way, like running a talent agency, performing stand-up, or becoming a drug mule for Columbian war lords.
I suppose I can keep those as side jobs while I earn some green in an office. But how comfortable is it to sit all day...with heroine up your butt.

Instead of blogging last night, after the bar I ate a PB&J and killed a half a can of prinlges. All while watching Pshych on fancast.com. I laughed, a lot. It may have to do with the 5 or so pitchers and shot of soco and lime...but I think it may just be a quality program. Its like a buddy cop film, minus eddie murphy, and the buddies are only kind of cops.

Ok so I didn't write this last night, but it's about last night...so...

GOODNIGHT

Case of the Moooondays

I made a to do list today. For most people a to do list consists of important things and lofty projects that need a physical written reminder to push them over the edge from thought to action. The top of my list?

Find that book you lost immediately after buying it

I did find it, it took 30 minutes...and I had to rifle through all my roommates' stuff. (yea sorry about that guys, but don't worry I was gentle) It was in my room of course. Behind the bed. Where I do most of my studying. Why is it always in the last place you look? Because you'd be stupid to keep looking in more spots after you find it. Thats the kind of joke my Grandpa would tell. I love every joke he's ever said but one. "Did I tell you this joke?" What joke grandpa? "That you're a good boy" :( (he loves me)

The most important thing on my to do list:

Buy Soap

I have been without soap for a few days now. I've been showering, mooching off of nearby soap reserves. But its just not the same. Buying soap is probably the easiest thing to accomplish on a to do list. I skipped band practice to go. I stood defiant in front of my bandmates and said "no I will not be participating, I have to go buy soap" and I left, got in my car and drove. After my trip came back inside the room with a bag in my hands. Opened it up. Pulled out the contents.

And started eating the McChicken I had just bought

I had completely forgotten to get the only thing I had left my room to get. and instead spent 2 bucks on a mcchicken and the "new" McDouble. Stop hiding under your adorable name Mcdouble...you are a double cheeseburger with one slice of cheese missing. Double cheeseburgers are still on the menu...for 19 cents more. <<---apparently the cost of cheese.

Sometimes I wonder how many people have seen these blogs, I know my roomates do on occassion...and my best girlfriends have at least read one or two. My mom reads, and my sister asked for the link. (settle down chip...don't say something like "i would send her my link"). I think my gf reads...or has read. And I have one official follower, lil J. Plus I have one annonymous comment about me being breathtaking. <<---its totally me, don't tell anybody. shhh.

"you're 6'11 and weigh 90lbs...gumby has a better body than you" ~Michael Scott

GOODNIGHT

Today Counts as Yesterday...And I will take the Lord's Day Off

My kids this morning wanted to make a fort...like they do every week. So i said, only if its the best fort you've ever made. Bam, a couple seconds later they are making a hotel. Not a fort. And it was ballin. 3 rooms, a presidential suite, and a lobby complete with a check in table.

I got room 1. I fit like a dream, 6 foot 2 in a room built by a 9 year old. No pillow, but did have a phone for room service. The kitchen's favorite dish? Tuna cookies. Made of play-doh. Covered in water. (i get to clean the mess)

The youngest was told by the girl at check-in that she had to sleep in the kitchen because she was an employee. But it was ok, because she found a beach ball. Which means she was pregnant! Sooner than I could say boy or girl...she's on maternity leave, sitting pretty on the mommy couch.

Now I can't get any tuna cookies?!

Another girl, was given room 3. But she was way too busy starting every sentence with "now just pretend..." As if i would have thought she really was on a plane travelling to the moon, as a puppy, if she didn't tell me to pretend. She also has no idea what indoor voice means. She can only turn herself down from 11 to about 10. Sort of a 7 year old samuel l. jackson...with more imagination.

I like to finish a post with goodnight, so i'm going to nap. Happy Super Bowl Sunday...enjoy the wings and commercials.

GOODNIGHT