"Write for Ten Minutes Everyday" says book in a stern tone

I don't write. I've never written. I've had an xanga, but I did that for the chicks. Getting girls is the motivating factor behind most of my life decisions. Its only ever worked a few times, and one time I got a beer job out of it. Let your minds wonder about that phrase, its not everyday you can be a part of a beer job...and I'm not about to tell you what that means. But I will say that it involved the words, "let's get a beer", "you're such a rock star", and "you're a good kisser."

I dreamt about being in a killer rock band most of my life. Well one beer job later and... Mission Accomplished. Okay so i can't really sing, our music is mediocre, and most of our songs are jokes...but she threw me against a door and made out with me like there is no tomorrow. So move over Tommy Lee, I have arrived. In that moment I realized my dream, I no longer had to fantasize. It was like waiting more than 3o minutes to get your pizza...when it finally arrives it tastes so good...and came with warm dipping sauce. (I just read that line out loud...I don't recommend it unless your mind is nowhere near a gutter).


Even after beer jobs and 3-4 live performances, I do still continue to pump out hits with my band Clown Baby. Song topics ranging from disappearing honeybees, to Lucy Liu, to not being able to close the deal at the end of the night with girls. <<---this one is a blatant attempt at getting girls, but has yet to, itself, seal the deal for me. However that is ok, considering I have a beautiful girlfriend who somehow found her way to me without any rock n roll gimmicks, or killer pick-up lines. She like me for me ;) and perhaps she has a thing for receding hairlines.

So since I already have a great girl, achieved rockstarship, and can't find a real job in this adorable little recession of ours...I decided I am a comedian. I will work for food, I will work for money. As long as I can get past the fact that I look like Michael J. Fox on stage, the shaking hands, not the charm and classic adolescent good looks, then maybe I can go somewhere in this comedy world. Heck I've read Steve Martin's book, and another one that claims to be the comedy Bible...I think it's called the Comedy Bible...so I must be ok at this.

For most people, The Pentagon helps protect Americans,
For me, it helped me be bored in a cubicle with a notepad to write crappy jokes all summer long.

Profound things are italicized and centered..and so are things that accidentally became italicized and centered. Other things that happened in my summer internship at the Pentagon: I ate McDonald's everyday for 10 weeks. Some guy did that for 30 days for a movie and almost died. Does that make me superhuman?, on death's doorstep?...or is there some tape worm in me taking most of the hits? Who knows, but what I do know is...I wrote for 10 minutes--Am I famous now?