Dexter, Tiger Woods, and Other Searchable Keywords

Every morning I wake up at 5:00 to start my day. Every morning, I look at the clock and say...why not sleep in until 6:18 instead.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Yes, 6:18 is my go-to time slot for waking up. Second place: 6:23...but only when Im really feeling tired. Im not sure why I choose an off time to wake up. Id like to say OCD, so I could fit in with the cool kids (on the USA Network) <---Monk reference, I know you got it. I hang out with the type of people who would get that.

You know who I don't hang out with? Most of the people I have ever met, and guys in backwards baseball caps. (and maybe people who call it a baseball cap). Discounting friends online who don't count (not you, you count, thanks for reading) I hang out with, on a regular basis less than a handful of people...I have met a few more than a handful of people in my lifetime. This means one of three things...I am not fun...you are not fun...or we are lazy.

You and I both know what the answer is.

don't be mean, its the lazy one.

One other theory on friendship: When Harry Met Sally <---settle down, you don't mean that.

If you understand what that means, sorry...that kind of thing really belongs in more of an xanga post.

'Night

Lynchpin

This spot reserved for new post on how Anchorman is at the center of all modern comedy film

Knock Knock, Who's There?

Its the surprise exterminator.

Apparently we had a bug problem. My roommate had not been listening to his mother for all these years, and had in fact, been letting the bed bugs bite. Thats sleeping 101. You cant have a goodnight...if you are also letting bed bugs bite. Thats amateur.

I had 24 hour notice to:

empty my closet, dresser, take posters down, and place everything in plastic bags in the middle of my room. Or what I like to call "make everything I own wrinkly/easily accesible to steal"

But I followed the rules, got everything in formation...they did their bug killing thing, and while getting ready to leave said "we have to come back in four days to do it again." So this week was living like a hobo indoors week for us. We could throw trash anywhere and it would look the same...although I still feel bad for peeing in the hallway.

Break In! : The Story of a 98' Plymouth Breeze

I can't believe he left a soda cup in here again. I know he remembers what happened last time; paper cups leak after 3 days...they get sticky and uncleanable immediately after that. I'm sure he will remember some paper towels tomorrow morning. This is embarrasing, I have enough self-image issues being a 98 plymouth breeze...now I have to park in a visitor's space? Might as well get vehicle acne and fashion myself some coke bottle glasses. Wait... ... is he giving me eyes? I think he is coming over. I wish I wasn't parked under this f-ing bird poop factory. He is probably looking at another car behind me anyway. Nope! He is definitely into me. I can see it in his eyes...he definitely wants to be in me.

Whoa, settle down guy...keep your hands off. Save it for the second date. At least be gentle! NO! you broke my lock, you're not into me at all are you! I feel like maybe you are just using me for my things!

Popping my trunk? I don't swing that way sir.

Did you really think that metal case had something good in it? gold bars perhaps?...we wouldn't be parked here if we had gold bars. Also, could you at least watch where that's going...you are getting poker chips all over me.

What are you looking for? Are you going to take anything? Am I not even good enough to steal from?

Come back you coward!

:: cries::

i miss you.

night.

Surprise!

a puppy!

that would be a good surprise. Unless you're allergic than it would be an adorably annoying surprise.

If I could give everybody who reads this blog a brand new puppy I would become the Oprah of the internet. Just look under your seat...its there, a puppy...remove the duct tape gingerly. Actually I would not be very much like Oprah, because I think giving a puppy to all my readers might just be the same as giving a puppy to my mom. (I was fat and got skinny though...probably will get fat again).

How long does it take a 22 year old man with arthritis to get tired of sleeping on the floor and buy a bed? a one, a two, a three...chomp, the world may never know. Im sleeping on the floor, and may just upgrade to a futon one day.

A man can dream.

.goodnight.