I know how much you crave my blog, and i have not delivered very much satisfaction of late. So instead of doing something original, i will try to hold you over with my "Twitter Comedy Sunday" set. I told them I would do a 15 minute set, and nailed it dead on 15 minutes. Also, don't judge me, its super hard to write funny things in under 136 characters. :) still fun...
- Thanks @mamabee4 for setting this up, and graciously giving me the headlining spot. I assume 4pm is primetime for west coast comedy #TCS
- Comedy on twitter is like my first time in bed, too short and laughed at by strangers on the internet. #TCS
- Twitter comedy is nice b/c you cant see how nervous I am like up on stage. Lets just say its like im on the campaign trail (handshakes) #TCS
- Believe me when I say #TCS is going on my comedy resume, right next to the time I said I was not yet ready to rock n roll at a concert #TCS
- Twitters good for job networking unless youre a graduate who also does comedy. Then its good for telling employers you like poop jokes #TCS
- #TCS comedian Steve Martin does not believe in punchlines. I disagree, a joke w/o a punchline is like a skinny rabbit in a field w/o....
- Nerdy kids develop a sense of humor to be cool. But what can a nerdy joke do, sleep with a slutty joke? Sell the rich jokes pot? #TCS
- More people should like being alone, specifically the guy who started the swine flu (outdated joke, might as well have been about OJ) #TCS
- OJ said “if I did kill her its b/c I love her so much” Lil boys pull the hair of girls they LIKE, so yea maybe LOVE looks like stabbing #TCS
- Im such a lonely guy that I often reply to spammers “can you tell me a little more about what you have to offer...maybe over lunch?” #TCS
- As a lonely kid I wanted to break my arm so kids would sign my cast. I never did, but I did get arthritis. Sign my bottle of pain meds? #TCS
- Arthritis is an easy disease to hide, unless you're doing something strenuous...like walking uphill. #TCS
- My mom had lupus. One pill she took hurt her short-term memory which really hurt her trips to the video store #TCS
- “aw mom not Sinbads Houseguest for the 4th time! I know it hurts your memory but does it make you think crappy movies are ok too” #TCS
- My mom is better now, which is why I joke. She still gets her prescriptions filled as a reminder...of her new addiction to pain meds #TCS
- IKEA: selling unmade furniture is like selling sperm. The customer gets to create something that's “theirs”...but not really. #TCS
- In school I was really good at math...unless fractions were involved. In life im good at sex, unless fractions are involved #TCS
- Whats up is not a real question, dont respond. I dont want to hear about ur dead puppy. Im busy and im sorry I forgot to feed your dog #TCS
- Thats it for me tonight, just a short opening set. big ups to the #TCS comics coming up next, I love you. Lets hang out later everybody #TCS
Well thats whats up, first Twitter comedy gig. Please criticize, i could use some more fuel for my fire.
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