She's a Brix House...

I am nervous for my open mic set Wednesday, its like...a situation where one would be really nervous...like a fat man before his first jump off the bridge at Johnny's discount bungees.

Set List: Old Joke, New Joke, New Joke, New Joke, Old Joke, Old Joke, New Joke, New Joke, Lupus Jokes X2, New Joke, New Joke, New Joke...missing a closer.

Close with a make it rain joke?
Close with my LOL joke?
Close with "Sex is just like writing with a pen. You have to be careful because you can't fix your mistakes and lefties always get stuff all over their hands."

It would be funnier with a pocket protector as a condom visual...my dad told me sex is like a pen, you have to live with your mistakes. "I wish I would have had a pocket protector" he says...as he looks at me and sighs.

I'm not sure why all that was centered. But I am sure I just wrote those jokes on the fly...sorry if they suck.

I feel like this isn't long enough...so here's some filler:

Faux Deep Thoughts with Jack Handey

"When I see somebody run past me on the sidewalk I immediately think…they are late for something. But maybe they aren’t late…maybe they are running from something. 9 times out of 10 , just late. But one out of ten, you better look behind you to see whats up…if my good friend Stumps would’ve looked behind him when a guy in a business suit flew past him maybe his nickname wouldn’t be Stumps and maybe that bear wouldn’t be a rug on the floor of the “town hero” who saved Stump’s life but not his legs"